Saturday, September 26, 2015

Flu Ramblings

I want to watch Heneral Luna before it leaves the theaters! But this sickness still persists! This malady that has attempted to keep me in bed for the past five days is slowly getting worse. I have tried sleeping it off. But my brain would not shut off. And the few hours that it did, it gave me nightmares of me losing my company because an investor who bought majority share wanted to infuse more money in it, and since I couldn't match what he put in, I got diluted and lost Komikasi. I am medicating, but the medicines seem to have lost their effectivity. I need to rest, but my body refuses to relax. All I've been doing the last two days was stay home and lie awake in bed. I'm not particularly worried about anything (consciously. Komikasi has no investors) but I can't seem to find something I could play in my mind.

The sickness has its uses, though. It has forced me to lie in bed with my phone and laptop away from me. I am using only my iPad to get my thoughts out and, hopefully, tire my eyes out enough to warrant a visit from  the sandman. It has also made me think. If my nightmares consist of losing companies, then maybe there's something wrong with the way I think. Where are the people in my mind? My sister asked me what my term of endearment was for the guy of my dreams the other night. I said I didn't fantasize about guys (or girls, for that matter) anymore. Not even just a general ideal man? I had been so disappointed in the past, that I stopped thinking. I try again every now and then. But work was safer. You could measure work. Ah, maybe there lies the problem, my sister said. You attract what you think. But if you don't even think about it, how would life think you wanted it?

I had an image in my head when I was younger that I wanted to portray. And Megan Turner's book, The King of Attolia, which I have been rereading to make me feel better, sums it up quite nicely.

He looked at the king and deliberately spat out the precious water. He struggled to lift his head, so that he could look the king in the eye. "If I were here for fifty years," he said, gasping, "and she released me, I would crawl, if that was all I could do, to her feet to serve her."
The king shook his head in amusement and disbelief. "That is impossible. After what she has done to you?"
"It is what I taught her to do."
"So you would serve her still?"
His amusement and his disbelief wiped away, the king leaned closer. "So would I."

That loyalty was beautiful. And I wanted to be that queen. And I guess I had met people along the way with that kind of loyalty, albeit discontinued. But hey, I guess it was still good to have experienced it. But rereading that book, I realized something.

"Do you think the Thief wanted to be king?"
"Of course," said Aris.
Costis, taking this as a straight answer, was unprepared when Aris added, "Who wouldn't want to be married to the woman who cut off his right hand?"
Costis looked up, startled.
"Everyone talks as if it's a brilliant revenge," said Aris, "but I'd rather cut my own throat than marry her, and she hasn't chopped any pieces off me."
"I thought-"
"I was her loyal guard? I am. I would march into the mouth of hell for her... Miras guide us, I worship her. But I am not blind, Costis. I feel about her the same way every member of the Guard feels. She is ruthless... And it is a good thing she is, because she wouldn't be queen if she weren't. She is brilliant and beautiful and terrifying. It's a fine way to feel about your queen, not your wife."


"If she pardons people because she loves them, someday someone that she loves will betray her and all of Attolia with her. A queen must make sacrifices for the common good," Relius said.
"And if what she sacrifices is her heart? Giving it up a piece at a time until there is nothing left? What do you have then, Relius, but a heartless ruler? And what becomes of the common good then?"
"The queen could never be heartless."
"No," said the king. "She would die herself, Relius, or lose her mind first and then her heart. Could you not see it happening? Or is your faith in her strength really so blind? Everyone has a breaking point. Yet you never stop demanding more of her."

I want to keep my heart and my head. And I'd like to marry a man like the king. What was my ideal guy anyway? Forgive me my ramblings. My excuse is that I am sick, I am physically and emotionally tired, and my sisters have deserted me for the afternoon. But I like someone capable, just like the king in this story. Someone I can look up to. Ah, I love the character of Eugenides. 

"Ninety-eight days," said the queen, folding her hands in her lap. "You said it would take six months."
Eugenides picked at a nub in the coverlet. "I like to give myself a margin. When I can."
"I didn't believe you," the queen admitted with a delicate smile.
"Now you know better." The king smiled back. They might as well have been alone.
The queen rose and stepped behind the embroidered screen in front of the fireplace. Her attendants withdrew. The king's attendants remained, digesting the fact that their helpless, inept king had promised his wife to destroy the house of Erondites in six months and had done it in ninety-eight days.

He's not devoid of his struggles or internal turmoils. But he is brilliant. Would it be too much to ask for a brilliant man? Someone I can look at and exclaim, "Grabe! Ang galing!" And yet would care about me enough physically, emotionally, and in a bunch of other ways? Hmm. That is a nice thought.

My eyes are beginning to droop now. Thank you for keeping me company. I shall attempt to sleep now.

Friday, September 4, 2015

An Offense to our Men

Why is this a thing? There are so many kabit movies and TV series popping up these days. And I think people fail to realize that it's not just degrading to women, but also an offense to our men. I mean, think about it. We are basically implying that men are selfish indecisive creatures driven only by their libido. That men are unfair creatures, thinking only of themselves. That as long as they can afford it, and they can hide it, they will keep two women. And it's not unfair on both women because it's "love." We all know it isn't. It's nothing more than pride. An insecurity manifesting itself in the need to prove to one's self that he is in control of people's lives, and that he is attractive enough to have two women. We are implying that men are like that. When the truth is majority of the men we have around us are not like that. They are good people. Fair people. Decent people. I have a lot of guy friends. Most of my friends are guys because of my industry. And while they're not perfect, none of them are that backward.

Guy friends, defend yourselves. I know we, women, can be a bit loud with our sentiments. But in this case, I don't think it'll be appropriate for us to defend you. So please, for the sake of the next generation and those who might believe the shows, defend yourself. Tell the world that you're better than that. Show the world you look down on unfaithfulness. Use a hashtag and start a movement if you need to. But disagree with the image they are giving of you. Do not remain quiet. Do not let it be and hope it just goes away. For the sake of the next generation and for the sake of mankind, pick up your sword and fight this image.

And for us, creators, we need to start making shows that are more responsible. Because whether we like it or not, people will believe what we show.