Thursday, March 19, 2015

Why Do We Need Men?

My guy friend posted something on Facebook today. He said:
What do women look for in men? What do women need? Do women still need something from men or is that an antiquated construct?
I am the Immediate Past President of our women's organization. I've spoken at several women events. I'm a huge advocate of women empowerment. In fact, my company just launched a women's lock screen app for the safety and empowerment of commuting women. And I guess you could say I'm one of them strong women. But I will say, no, it's not an antiquated construct. Yes, we still need something from the men.

Times have changed, and a woman's dependence on men has certainly evolved over the ages. A lot of us no longer need them financially to survive. Unlike before, we no longer need to be married to them to have a sense of value. In fact, that idea is scoffed at nowadays. Most of us work. Most of us are successful in our own right. Most of us have had our dreams come true for us, and these don't fall on the lines of marrying a prince. But that doesn't mean we'd like to run a country devoid of men, or where men are the second-class citizens. Well, I don't anyway.

The following statements are my opinions and do not necessarily reflect the general sentiments of women. I like being strong, but I appeal to the men not to allow us to be too strong. I am an advocate of gender equality, not female superiority. I think women were really designed to be the softer, sweeter, more nurturing one. It's not an issue of dominance. It's an issue of design. And when we become too strong, we become hard. Instead of sweet, we become bitter. And when that happens, instead of nurturing, we become abrasive. We were designed to create, to make things (and people) grow. And sometimes, when our frustration or the feeling of being oppressed or the feeling of not being loved gets to us, we tear things and people down.

When I say, don't allow us to be too strong, I don't mean put a glass ceiling above us or talk us down. That'll only make us fight more. When we feel oppressed, the protective dragon mother inside of us awakens and breathes fire on any injustice we see before us. You'll get scorched, we'll get scales, nobody happy.

I mean, make us feel that we don't need to be strong all the time. Allow us to let go, and not worry that we won't be taken care of. Maybe not so much financially anymore. But, say, morally. Or physically. Or socially. It saddens me when I hear of girls who got knocked up and the guy doesn't want to take responsibility. It affects me emotionally more than socially. The thought was, he didn't protect her. If she was the one who wanted to be intimate, he didn't stop her, knowing that he couldn't afford (financially or emotionally) to marry her and take care of her. He didn't take into consideration what society would think of a single mother. But I've also met guys who are clear in their boundaries, and that's one way of taking care of a girl. And may I just tell you, that's sexy. Probably because, when teenage pregnancies and boys not taking responsibility are very common stories in your organization, a man who makes sure things are clear is such a rare thing. It's very classy and brave and in control and... sexy.

Integrity is also very appealing to a woman. He says he'll do it, and he does it. Simple. Reliable. Capable. Sexy. I have a friend. First time we met was at the launch of one of my games. A common friend introduced us. Cute, but I didn't think too much of him. He told me he had to go because he promised another friend that he would be at that friend's housewarming party that night, but that he would return. Normally, when people say that, they don't usually return. So, I didn't think about it anymore. The launch happened. The launch ended. And suddenly, he arrived. The launch was done, but he came back, just as he said he would. That simple act of showing up when he said he would suddenly made him very visible to me. That made my night. And that was Valentine's Day, so it made me even happier that I something heartening that night.

Most of the time our thought is, if they won't protect us, we'll have to protect ourselves. But we long. You hear us whine all the time because we long to not need to be strong. That we can be strong if we want to (We actually are. I think you need to be strong to survive pushing a whole human being out of you), but we don't need to protect ourselves from the men we love. I guess, in short, we want a man with whom we can drop our guard, because we know he will protect us and love us and make us feel loved. What do we need? We need to feel loved, valued and protected. And observe. When we feel loved, we are soft and sweet and nurturing. And we'll kiss you before you go to work in the morning, and that'll brighten your day and make you earn 40% more than you would without us. Everybody happy. :D