Thursday, December 31, 2015

I Don't Believe in Destiny

I don't believe in destiny. Or soul mates. Or twin flames. Or having someone out there that's especially for you. After my first break up, I realized that we feel that way when we're attracted to someone, but in truth, it's just really a matter of finding someone out there you're willing to spend the rest of your life with. Oh, I still feel attraction. I still long for people I like. But you're not destined to be together. It is a conscious decision of whether or not you want to bind yourselves in the sacrament of matrimony and do life together from then on. That is all. No magic to it.

But of course, a little voice inside of me wishes that someone would come along and prove me wrong.

Saturday, September 26, 2015

Flu Ramblings

I want to watch Heneral Luna before it leaves the theaters! But this sickness still persists! This malady that has attempted to keep me in bed for the past five days is slowly getting worse. I have tried sleeping it off. But my brain would not shut off. And the few hours that it did, it gave me nightmares of me losing my company because an investor who bought majority share wanted to infuse more money in it, and since I couldn't match what he put in, I got diluted and lost Komikasi. I am medicating, but the medicines seem to have lost their effectivity. I need to rest, but my body refuses to relax. All I've been doing the last two days was stay home and lie awake in bed. I'm not particularly worried about anything (consciously. Komikasi has no investors) but I can't seem to find something I could play in my mind.

The sickness has its uses, though. It has forced me to lie in bed with my phone and laptop away from me. I am using only my iPad to get my thoughts out and, hopefully, tire my eyes out enough to warrant a visit from  the sandman. It has also made me think. If my nightmares consist of losing companies, then maybe there's something wrong with the way I think. Where are the people in my mind? My sister asked me what my term of endearment was for the guy of my dreams the other night. I said I didn't fantasize about guys (or girls, for that matter) anymore. Not even just a general ideal man? I had been so disappointed in the past, that I stopped thinking. I try again every now and then. But work was safer. You could measure work. Ah, maybe there lies the problem, my sister said. You attract what you think. But if you don't even think about it, how would life think you wanted it?

I had an image in my head when I was younger that I wanted to portray. And Megan Turner's book, The King of Attolia, which I have been rereading to make me feel better, sums it up quite nicely.

He looked at the king and deliberately spat out the precious water. He struggled to lift his head, so that he could look the king in the eye. "If I were here for fifty years," he said, gasping, "and she released me, I would crawl, if that was all I could do, to her feet to serve her."
The king shook his head in amusement and disbelief. "That is impossible. After what she has done to you?"
"It is what I taught her to do."
"So you would serve her still?"
His amusement and his disbelief wiped away, the king leaned closer. "So would I."

That loyalty was beautiful. And I wanted to be that queen. And I guess I had met people along the way with that kind of loyalty, albeit discontinued. But hey, I guess it was still good to have experienced it. But rereading that book, I realized something.

"Do you think the Thief wanted to be king?"
"Of course," said Aris.
Costis, taking this as a straight answer, was unprepared when Aris added, "Who wouldn't want to be married to the woman who cut off his right hand?"
Costis looked up, startled.
"Everyone talks as if it's a brilliant revenge," said Aris, "but I'd rather cut my own throat than marry her, and she hasn't chopped any pieces off me."
"I thought-"
"I was her loyal guard? I am. I would march into the mouth of hell for her... Miras guide us, I worship her. But I am not blind, Costis. I feel about her the same way every member of the Guard feels. She is ruthless... And it is a good thing she is, because she wouldn't be queen if she weren't. She is brilliant and beautiful and terrifying. It's a fine way to feel about your queen, not your wife."


"If she pardons people because she loves them, someday someone that she loves will betray her and all of Attolia with her. A queen must make sacrifices for the common good," Relius said.
"And if what she sacrifices is her heart? Giving it up a piece at a time until there is nothing left? What do you have then, Relius, but a heartless ruler? And what becomes of the common good then?"
"The queen could never be heartless."
"No," said the king. "She would die herself, Relius, or lose her mind first and then her heart. Could you not see it happening? Or is your faith in her strength really so blind? Everyone has a breaking point. Yet you never stop demanding more of her."

I want to keep my heart and my head. And I'd like to marry a man like the king. What was my ideal guy anyway? Forgive me my ramblings. My excuse is that I am sick, I am physically and emotionally tired, and my sisters have deserted me for the afternoon. But I like someone capable, just like the king in this story. Someone I can look up to. Ah, I love the character of Eugenides. 

"Ninety-eight days," said the queen, folding her hands in her lap. "You said it would take six months."
Eugenides picked at a nub in the coverlet. "I like to give myself a margin. When I can."
"I didn't believe you," the queen admitted with a delicate smile.
"Now you know better." The king smiled back. They might as well have been alone.
The queen rose and stepped behind the embroidered screen in front of the fireplace. Her attendants withdrew. The king's attendants remained, digesting the fact that their helpless, inept king had promised his wife to destroy the house of Erondites in six months and had done it in ninety-eight days.

He's not devoid of his struggles or internal turmoils. But he is brilliant. Would it be too much to ask for a brilliant man? Someone I can look at and exclaim, "Grabe! Ang galing!" And yet would care about me enough physically, emotionally, and in a bunch of other ways? Hmm. That is a nice thought.

My eyes are beginning to droop now. Thank you for keeping me company. I shall attempt to sleep now.

Friday, September 4, 2015

An Offense to our Men

Why is this a thing? There are so many kabit movies and TV series popping up these days. And I think people fail to realize that it's not just degrading to women, but also an offense to our men. I mean, think about it. We are basically implying that men are selfish indecisive creatures driven only by their libido. That men are unfair creatures, thinking only of themselves. That as long as they can afford it, and they can hide it, they will keep two women. And it's not unfair on both women because it's "love." We all know it isn't. It's nothing more than pride. An insecurity manifesting itself in the need to prove to one's self that he is in control of people's lives, and that he is attractive enough to have two women. We are implying that men are like that. When the truth is majority of the men we have around us are not like that. They are good people. Fair people. Decent people. I have a lot of guy friends. Most of my friends are guys because of my industry. And while they're not perfect, none of them are that backward.

Guy friends, defend yourselves. I know we, women, can be a bit loud with our sentiments. But in this case, I don't think it'll be appropriate for us to defend you. So please, for the sake of the next generation and those who might believe the shows, defend yourself. Tell the world that you're better than that. Show the world you look down on unfaithfulness. Use a hashtag and start a movement if you need to. But disagree with the image they are giving of you. Do not remain quiet. Do not let it be and hope it just goes away. For the sake of the next generation and for the sake of mankind, pick up your sword and fight this image.

And for us, creators, we need to start making shows that are more responsible. Because whether we like it or not, people will believe what we show.

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

August 2015 Lessons and Plans

I'm in the wilderness. I'm at a point in my life where I'm questioning my direction. While it's so very confusing and frustrating, I think it's a good thing. It prompts recalibration. And while I still find myself downcast on some gloomy days, I have resolved to decide to choose cheer each day. It's time to recalibrate. And here are the things I need to consider.

I find myself questioning what I do. Business hasn't been good lately. And while I know it's just a season and I just need to wait it out, I still find myself questioning if I should be doing what I'm doing. What significance does it have on the world? Why does it feel like merely a thing I do in the now to survive? Why does it feel like a band aid on a fracture? If I die today and find myself before my Creator, what have I got to show for myself? I don't think He'll be pleased with my accolades and accomplishments. If He asked me if I loved the people around me, all I could say is "I didn't hurt them."  Sometimes, I even did. I believe I have the capacity to love. But most of the time I don't exercise it. At the end of the ages, can I actually say I did the work prepared for me? And if I know that God tests your heart and your obedience to love, why do I still insist on making work my priority?

I guess because it's comfortable. Because work can be impersonal and measurable. Relationships are complicated. Denying one's self is hard. It's easier to run away and keep away from your sister when she starts putting you down instead of letting the offense slide and realizing that her putting you down indicates that she's not feeling very loved at the moment. And instead of running away, what she needs is for you to just be accessible and tell her there will be better days, and here, have a photo of panda macarons to cheer you up! But it's hard when her words imply that you're fat and old, single and desperate. And half of the time, you believe her.

I prayed to God. I asked Him what He wanted me to do, where He wanted me to go. I valued work, but every time I asked, He didn't usually reply with anything work-related. Be still, He said, and know that I am God. Praise the Lord, He said, and rejoice evermore! Be grateful. Be faithful in the little things. And love. Love. Love.

Should I continue my business, Lord, or should I consider working? Rejoice! Lord, You're not listening. What do I do with my work? Praise the Lord! And I bidded for projects, and I got very few. I applied for work, and nobody called me back. I'm in a drought, and all I got was, "Love. Love. Love." So I have a feeling I need to stop panicking and be still at the moment, and wait for the Lord to show me His power, to show me how He is God. To let go of the worry. To be faithful in the little things I find I need to do, but to stop fretting about money. Instead, I think it's a season to focus on Him, to properly do my quiet time in the morning, to sing Him praises, to write Him love letters. To stop and consider the gravity of His sacrifice to save us. To really just look upon His face and know that all these pursuits are meaningless without love, without God.

And love. Love the people around me. Be cheerful regardless of the amount of money in my wallet. Smile. Laugh. Be joyful. Be happy. Praise. And love some more.

Monday, August 3, 2015

Beautiful Morning

"I fought all through the night
Oh, oh, but I made it alive
The sun's starting to rise
Oh, oh, these are beautiful times"

Struggle and overcoming are parts of life. And we see it, and we think it is beautiful. Especially as people who follow God, we are faced with trials. It is hard, but at the end of the day, we see it and see the story as beautiful.

I've always thought how a people greet each other in the morning gives a hint on their outlook in life. When we say, "Good morning," it gives me the impression that what we strive for in life is a comfortable life. A happy life. But we don't say, "Good morning," in the old language, do we? "Magandang umaga" is "Beautiful morning." We want a life not devoid of struggles, but one of triumph. Our greeting sounds like the breaking of the dawn after a difficult night. The first ray of sunshine after a storm. It's not comfortable. But it is beautiful in an overcoming sense. And personally, over merely a comfortable life, I would wish you a beautiful one, a triumphant one, a story-worthy one. So, friends, magandang umaga sa inyong lahat. :)

"And sincerely, I love You dearly.
Oh, but I'm clearly destined to wander."

Saturday, July 11, 2015

Takeaways from Phenomenal

A new friend mentioned an event where she was going to give a talk in. Phenomenal, the talk was called. And she was going to talk about beauty. Not makeup, she said, but beauty. My interest was piqued. Being a woman in a predominantly male industry, and growing up with guy best friends, a little part of me found the thought of spending an afternoon talking with other girls about beauty rather refreshing and appealing. And so on this rainy Saturday afternoon, I went to Fully Booked to check it out. I quite loved it! I know, I know. Why would you want to talk about beauty? Because it's interesting! And, as the day went on, I realized, because we should. Here are a few things I learned and realized about beauty through this event:

Being beautiful is important to a woman. We like to be beautiful. We like to be thought of as beautiful. If you go deeper and ask why, it really boils down to value. We all want to be valued. But it is not other people's job to make us feel beautiful. Our value has to be independent of our circumstances and what others think of us. Our beauty is our own responsibility and business.

Beauty needs to be defined in a more realistic light. If we look at what media says is beautiful, it fails to consider the different body types, age, and life season of a person. It fails to consider natural body changes that occur in people as they grow older. And it increases visual appeal to a level where the other longer-lasting attributes of a person that would also make them attractive (like kindness, a ready ear, and a grateful heart) are de-valued as consolation prizes.

This media-defined beauty is damaging to the men as well. When we present it to everyone that looks are the ultimate value, then a man's ultimate criteria in finding a suitable woman becomes how she looks. And this may mean he ends up with a girl just because she's physically beautiful. While there's nothing wrong with marrying a beautiful girl (I, myself, would like to marry someone handsome), if the basis for the union is merely physical beauty, it might not last very long. This is a generalization, of course, and I know lovely couples who have very successful unions. But I personally know friends whose marriages didn't survive early trials because outside of the physical, there wasn't other connections much. I've seen this with some of my business owner friends. They've arrived financially, therefore, it follows to find a wife society would deem a catch. And in this day and age, that means a girl who looks like a model. Again, nothing wrong with marrying a mestiza with a figure. But if that's all one sees, what will compel the two of you to stay and brave the storms together? Because marriage will have its trials.

My brother knows the number of separated couples in my circle is too high for my taste. And it distresses me. Because I know these guys. They're my friends. They're geeks, good people whose hearts are true and are still longing to believe that love, indeed, conquers all, and that happily ever after actually exists. But now they've been hurt, embarrassed for even wishing. It distresses me because I also want to believe in true love and love that lasts, and the statistics are bothering me.

To redefine beauty, present an alternative. It's not very effective or productive to just talk about beauty as the media presents it, and how one thinks it should be. The best way to redefine beauty is to really embody how one thinks beauty should be, and present and carry it everyday. I think true beauty is being gentle and kind and pleasant. It is to not complain, to be grateful, and to see the world in a way that is good and hopeful. It is to listen attentively, to forgive quickly and not hold records of wrong. It is to encourage, to be of good cheer, and to be an anchor. Given this definition of beauty, I'm probably not that beautiful yet. But this is my challenge to myself: to embody what I believe true beauty to be. And to be beautiful.

How would you define beauty?

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Creative Thinking Through Talecraft

Mystery, Gothic, Coquette, Dark Lord, Outlaw, Cries in the Night, Test
I had a bit of a problem hanging over my head when I went to the mall this first day of November. I was feeling a bit stuck with my new business and I needed fresh ideas. The year was ending and I needed to figure out how to attack the problems this new business was having fast. Since I was selling Talecraft that time, and I was still waiting for people to come over the booth and play, I decided to play a bit of Talecraft myself, and see how I could gain insight from my eldest brainchild for my newest one.

Here is my first set of cards:
Genre: Mystery and Gothic
Explanation: The appeal is in the mystery, the unknown factor. Throw in gothic, which finds its appeal in the slightly disturbing.

Characters: Coquette, Dark Lord, and Outlaw
Explanation: Dark Lord. Be in control. Coquette. But be a tease. Give them a little bit. Withhold a little and make them want more. Outlaw. Don't go mainstream. Go niche. Go a less traveled route. Be brave in trying out the new.

Keywords: Cries in the Night and Test
Explanation: Test the project in a smaller scale. Maybe a one-night event. But make them cry out in delight or surprise. You are gothic, after all.

Summary: Go through this with a bit of mystery. Make it a little scary. Do something new and outside of the norm. But test. Tease. Small scale first. But the aim is always to make them cry out in delight. In surprise. Be the coquette and tease. Be the outlaw and go against the flow. But be the dark lord and be always in control.

Cute Guys and Stories

In a few weeks, it'll be my birthday once again. And my dear business partner seems to be bent on "helping" me progress in the area of my love life. I love the man, and I appreciate his efforts. But no matter what I do, his method just doesn't work for me.

Whenever we went to an event or met up with someone, a male someone, he'd often ask me if I thought that guy was cute. Oftentimes, I don't know if they're cute. I didn't think they were ugly. I thought they looked alright. But it really didn't matter to me if they looked cute or not because almost always, I'm not interested. My partner keeps asking me just so my mind is alerted to look at people as men and not as their company logos. Recently, I've forced myself to look and just classify some people as cute just so I don't keep saying "I don't know" to my partner, or keep telling him I'm not interested. I didn't want him to feel that his efforts weren't appreciated.

But the truth was, even though they looked alright to me, I just wasn't interested in anyone. I do want to find a man to call my own. I do want to eventually marry and have my own kids (and they will be geniuses!). But my heart is uncooperative! It just doesn't beat so easily. There are really good men I've met recently, but I just couldn't get myself to get excited over their text messages or requests for coffee. I have had crushes before. But I wasn't attracted to any one particular type. I've been attracted to a not very excitable cute guy with nice shoulders. But I've also been attracted to a plump but very expressive guy. I've been attracted to someone I thought was a gentleman. But I've also been attracted to a self-made but broken man. I couldn't pinpoint what quality I found attractive. And so I took the time and examined myself, and I realized the thing that attracted me to the guys I liked in the past were the stories I associated to them.

I liked my Japanese teacher because he called me Ria-chan when he was supposed to be calling me Lu-san. I liked that expressive guy because he was most alive at a time when I felt most dead. I liked this other guy because he came back when he said he would, when normally people don't come back in those circumstances. I liked another guy because what were the chances we knew each other already when his sibling, who was actually married to one of my relatives, was trying to get us to meet. I liked that other guy because when he crossed the street with me, he'd walk on the more dangerous side when all our other peers didn't even wait for me because if I could run a company, I could very well cross the street by myself.

I liked all of them for the stories.

This realization troubled me. Did I not really look at the people and just looked at the stories? I think I still looked at them. But the story has to happen first before what seemed like another pair of my eyes that normally remained closed opened, and I'd see the guys in an open way that allowed them to become attractive. This was troubling indeed. Because while that meant it was difficult for me to get attracted to people even though they had very good qualities, that also meant I could fall in love with people who didn't have very good qualities as long as they made good stories.

I fussed over this for a time, until a friend of mine told me this: if God made you that way, who's to say that's not how He wants you to fall in love? She had a point. I believe in God and his sovereignty. So, if God made me this way, who was to say this wasn't how it was supposed to be. And since I am His, if it's a wrong way of thinking, He'll correct it.

So, I'm not going to fuss. I'll look at guys, as my partner wants, and look at the cute guys while not stressing over finding them attractive or not. I won't fuss over finding a guy. I'll let my crushes hold my hand, enjoy the moment and not worry too much. I'll do my best to look at people, but not stress about finding someone attractive, or being attractive to someone. I'll just go do what I do, enjoy the journey, and if a story comes out, wonderful.

So, here's to another twelve months of adventure and changing the world until the next checkpoint! May the coming year be exciting in a good way.

Thursday, April 30, 2015

To Lose One's Soul

For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?
Mark 8:36

Who would have thought I would actually get to a point where these words speak so clearly of me. I would never have thought it. I had always thought that this verse was for other people, materialistic people who made deals with the devil. But, ah, who would have thought the devil would come dressed as desperation. Who would have thought that it didn't need a devil to shake my principles. Maybe my principles weren't in the right order, in the first place.

It is an awful feeling, being soulless. I didn't think I'd value my soul so little, that I'd exchange that pool, that vibrant essence, that rainforest of life for the world and all its glamour, its flawed standards, its empty acclaim. Why? Why would I do that? And the exchange comes as an unwritten but cosmically binding transaction that gives you what you want: awards, the respect of your peers, the envy of the people who look to you. But it leaves you empty, nothing more than a shell pretending to be more than what you are, keeping up for appearances sake when behind everything you know how very broken and problematic things are. The praises taste of nothing. And the only thing sustaining me is the love of my family who are suffering because of me, for my sake. They bear my sin, and pay for it because we are family. And I am even more ashamed.

I want my soul back. I want my life back. I want the shell to have something of substance inside, to have something powerful and good and pure and true inside that I may rectify my wrong and cease my loved ones' suffering. I want to be fixed. I want to be whole once more, and not this bucket of holes that cannot hold water or one good thought. I want to live, to love life again, to have once more within me that flourishing, zest-filled, and very much living soul I had lost along the way. But how can one buy back a soul?

O Lord, O Father, will You buy it back for me? Would you consider buying it back, then loaning it to me while I live? And since it would now be Your property, may I loan it from You in exchange for service to Your Kingdom? But then again, I suppose it was never mine to begin with. And my selling my soul was not just a desecration, but an act of theft as well. In which case, I truly am a wretch, and my only hope is that You will be merciful and save me anyway.

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Why Do We Need Men?

My guy friend posted something on Facebook today. He said:
What do women look for in men? What do women need? Do women still need something from men or is that an antiquated construct?
I am the Immediate Past President of our women's organization. I've spoken at several women events. I'm a huge advocate of women empowerment. In fact, my company just launched a women's lock screen app for the safety and empowerment of commuting women. And I guess you could say I'm one of them strong women. But I will say, no, it's not an antiquated construct. Yes, we still need something from the men.

Times have changed, and a woman's dependence on men has certainly evolved over the ages. A lot of us no longer need them financially to survive. Unlike before, we no longer need to be married to them to have a sense of value. In fact, that idea is scoffed at nowadays. Most of us work. Most of us are successful in our own right. Most of us have had our dreams come true for us, and these don't fall on the lines of marrying a prince. But that doesn't mean we'd like to run a country devoid of men, or where men are the second-class citizens. Well, I don't anyway.

The following statements are my opinions and do not necessarily reflect the general sentiments of women. I like being strong, but I appeal to the men not to allow us to be too strong. I am an advocate of gender equality, not female superiority. I think women were really designed to be the softer, sweeter, more nurturing one. It's not an issue of dominance. It's an issue of design. And when we become too strong, we become hard. Instead of sweet, we become bitter. And when that happens, instead of nurturing, we become abrasive. We were designed to create, to make things (and people) grow. And sometimes, when our frustration or the feeling of being oppressed or the feeling of not being loved gets to us, we tear things and people down.

When I say, don't allow us to be too strong, I don't mean put a glass ceiling above us or talk us down. That'll only make us fight more. When we feel oppressed, the protective dragon mother inside of us awakens and breathes fire on any injustice we see before us. You'll get scorched, we'll get scales, nobody happy.

I mean, make us feel that we don't need to be strong all the time. Allow us to let go, and not worry that we won't be taken care of. Maybe not so much financially anymore. But, say, morally. Or physically. Or socially. It saddens me when I hear of girls who got knocked up and the guy doesn't want to take responsibility. It affects me emotionally more than socially. The thought was, he didn't protect her. If she was the one who wanted to be intimate, he didn't stop her, knowing that he couldn't afford (financially or emotionally) to marry her and take care of her. He didn't take into consideration what society would think of a single mother. But I've also met guys who are clear in their boundaries, and that's one way of taking care of a girl. And may I just tell you, that's sexy. Probably because, when teenage pregnancies and boys not taking responsibility are very common stories in your organization, a man who makes sure things are clear is such a rare thing. It's very classy and brave and in control and... sexy.

Integrity is also very appealing to a woman. He says he'll do it, and he does it. Simple. Reliable. Capable. Sexy. I have a friend. First time we met was at the launch of one of my games. A common friend introduced us. Cute, but I didn't think too much of him. He told me he had to go because he promised another friend that he would be at that friend's housewarming party that night, but that he would return. Normally, when people say that, they don't usually return. So, I didn't think about it anymore. The launch happened. The launch ended. And suddenly, he arrived. The launch was done, but he came back, just as he said he would. That simple act of showing up when he said he would suddenly made him very visible to me. That made my night. And that was Valentine's Day, so it made me even happier that I something heartening that night.

Most of the time our thought is, if they won't protect us, we'll have to protect ourselves. But we long. You hear us whine all the time because we long to not need to be strong. That we can be strong if we want to (We actually are. I think you need to be strong to survive pushing a whole human being out of you), but we don't need to protect ourselves from the men we love. I guess, in short, we want a man with whom we can drop our guard, because we know he will protect us and love us and make us feel loved. What do we need? We need to feel loved, valued and protected. And observe. When we feel loved, we are soft and sweet and nurturing. And we'll kiss you before you go to work in the morning, and that'll brighten your day and make you earn 40% more than you would without us. Everybody happy. :D

Friday, January 9, 2015

Nouveau: New Year, New You

Early this year, my mom made a comment.
"You used to come into the room and own it," she said. "What happened?"
I shrugged and answered, "A series of unfortunate emotional events?"
"That's not an excuse."

I find my mother a little harsh sometimes. But in this case, she's right. I had been letting circumstances rob me of my self-confidence and presence. And why? Was I punishing myself for getting myself hurt? Probably, something like that. So, I told myself, enough with the moping. It's time to pick myself and move forward. It's time to reclaim what I had lost.

But I needed to do some auditing first, I told myself. I need to check where I am to be able to recalibrate my direction. This got me a bit excited. And so, I took one of the blank little notebooks in my stash and made a life auditing plan for myself. Thanks to my friend, Cam, I sort of had an idea how to start mapping out my life. Sometime in 2014, she taught us how to divide life in seven-year cycles and evaluate each year. My mom taught me a similar thing earlier, to search for possible traumas and see how we allowed ourselves to be affected by them.

After doing the past, I proceeded to the present, and mapped out my current personal state. Long story short, I came up with an entire workbook in a few weeks. Then when I was looking through my old notebooks for other lessons I had learned over the last few years, I remembered that some of my friends were asking me for self-development sheets in the past, too. So I decided to turn it into a proper book. So today, a fine sunny Saturday, I self-published it on You may view Nouveau: Life Plan and Audit here. Do download if you feel you have need for it. And may it help you as it is helping me now.

Thursday, January 1, 2015

Stats Detail 2015

I think we have two aspects to our lives: the 'Be' and the 'Do.' The 'Be' is basically who we are: what our personalities are, our physical appearance, our financial habits, and the like. The 'Do' is our life mission, the purpose for our life. I divided our 'Be' into six aspects:

One point for each day you exercise. Bonus 10 points if you complete four weeks consistently.

Small group every Wednesday. Mentoring every Friday. Church every Sunday. One point for each day you do your quiet time. Another point each day you smile. Another point each day you don't complain.

Meet new people. Form new circles. Ten points for each new person you befriend. Two points for each relationship you strengthen.

The aim is stability, and mobility. One point for every thousand peso you save and do not spend. Ten points for each investment you make.

You've been traveling last year. This year, let's travel some more. Five points for each travel or class you do. Twenty points if you learn to drive. Twenty if you learn to swim. Twenty if you learn to cook.

Two points for each activity that soothes your soul. Two points for every Sabbath you keep holy.

2015 Goals

Happy New Year! I hope 2014 was good to you. But even if it wasn't, may 2015 be a year of favor for you; a year of love, joy, hope and peace; and a year of adventure, purpose, and unexpected encounters. I was praying this season, and evaluating my life and where it's going. And one word keeps popping up to me: DECIDE. 2015 is a year of decision for me. I've allowed past failures to paralyze me into indecision. I end up making decisions long after the opportunity has passed, or still find myself in that limbo of indecision. But I didn't use to be like this. I used to be brave to the point of impulsiveness. And while I don't want to be impulsive anymore, I also am tired of being stuck in the unsure.

So I will decide. I will decide where to take my business and not be paralyzed by what people make me feel. I will decide where I want to go and not be held back by the voices in my head that tell me I had failed before (all the more reason to push forward since I haven't got a successful result yet. Learn, don't avoid) And I will decide who I will and will not pursue and not remain stuck in my indecision about how my heart and my head are not in agreement. Decide already! Who will you follow? Your head or your heart? Just decide. Then you can work on making it work once you've chosen one.

So what are my goals for this year?

  • Get Unlock & Load to a stable and self-sustaining state
  • Use Unlock & Load to distribute content that is nation-forming
  • Get Komikasi to create at least 4 original content this year
  • Kickstarter Talecraft! Have it redrawn and reprinted, and take it abroad
  • Go into romance novels. I have a three-way deal I have in mind
  • Finish 10-year roadmap for the Empire of Stories
  • Finish writing a book this year
  • Design and have made the dress you'll wear to the Awards Night this year
  • Go to SIGGRAPH Asia this year
  • Go to Turkey this year
  • See the stars again
  • Learn something new this year
  • Lose 15 pounds this year
  • Enroll in a gym (I can do this. I can do this! Wait, maybe I need a buddy. Any volunteers?)
  • 888: drink 8 glasses of water, get 8 hours of sleep, and give 8 hugs a day

It is time to stretch, even if it feels uncomfortable or painful, or painfully confusing. Just like recovering from a stroke-induced half-body paralysis, I need to move even if it hurts.