Friday, July 19, 2013

There Are Just Days...

I'm sick in bed right now. But tomorrow, I may have to gather my strength and force myself not to be sick. It's been so busy these days and I'm just so very tired. And a little part of you wishes a little bit to succumb to the sickness so that you would have no choice but to rest.

But then you start computing in your mind the cost of getting sick, and the amount of work you'll have to get back to and decide, nah. It's not worth it.

Or is it?

Many of my friends and members of my family tell me that I'm overworked. That I don't rest properly anymore. That if I don't learn to manage my time, my future husband and children will be very lonely. I keep arguing that I can be busy now because I'm still single. And that I'll change my habits when the time comes. But will I really be able to? And do I even like being busy now? I guess the answer to that is no.

The truth is, I'd like to be able to go to the office and actually have time enough to eat a leisurely breakfast while chatting with my team about non-work stuff, reading up on industry news, or just enjoying the solitude. I even imagine having partners or industry friends come over and join me for breakfast every now and then. But these past months, I find myself eating lunch while working at my desk twice a week on average.

I'd like to have enough time to be creative, and to think up of magical stuff to do. And actually have enough time to execute them, and execute them well! These days, everything I do is hurried. And the truth is I'm not happy with the quality of work I'm churning out. They're passable. But I'm not exactly proud of them. I don't have time to think and plan. I do what I need to do, I fulfill my commitments. But as my sister pointed out, I get to my appointments haggard. I can't even appear pretty because I'm rushing from one appointment to the next all the time. I try to meet up with friends in the evening, but I have no more energy by that time. Recently, a friend asked where girls like me hung out. The truth is... I don't. I don't go anywhere to meet new people. The new people I meet are always for work.

My weekends and evenings are not mine. If I'm not busy with socio-civic meetings, industry events, or church events, I'm working on Game Design Documents because I keep telling myself, I need to hurry up and develop ways to expand our client list. If I slack off, our funds might run out before I can find us a new client.

I need to drop some of the groups I'm part of. I need a sales team and an underboss. I need a healthier lifestyle. And I need to remember how to rest.

Ah, I couldn't help but imagine at times like this. What if I traveled the world for an entire year? Just to regain the awe and wonder. Or what if I went to Spain on a study tour for six months just studying Spanish and Flamenco? What if I worked at an NGO? What if I took over the family farm, plant coffee and tea, and spend the rest of my time perfecting the art of Sado (Japanese Tea Ceremony)? What if I went into an industry that dealt with people instead of ideas?... That would be quite a shift.

Anyway, thank you for listening to me (reading) ramble. It helps me unwind. I'm not leaving my company. I have big plans for my little studio. I really just need to learn to delegate and manage my time. And I will do that.

And if you're in my area, let's have lunch. :) That'll force me to leave my desk.

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